I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
