that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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