Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
