Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
