Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
