just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize