god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
