We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
