WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
