friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
