in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just invented taco cereal.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
