remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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