puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
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I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
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she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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