I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
