The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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