So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
