Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
