Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
