clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
