i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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