are you still at the devil's house?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
