here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
