STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
