they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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