Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
