we're blogging at a bar
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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