it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
