i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
