I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
