she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I have aggressive nipples.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
