ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
