i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
