thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
