you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
