come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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