Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think my moral compass just broke
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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