Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
