my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
