dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
