I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
