I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
whose parrot is this?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
