I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
