I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
