My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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