We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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