I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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