I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
