Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
