it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize