can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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