she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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