I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
