Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
