I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
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She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
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According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
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