Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She's the barista slut.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
