i think i have herpe
just one?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
