I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
