eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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