My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
