can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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