Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize