So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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