Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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