dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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