turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Watching her eat just hurts me
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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